So you are a Christian man, and you just found out your Christian wife cheated on you. I’ve been there, man. It is the worst feeling I’ve ever known. I really feel awful for you. When it happened to me, I literally felt like someone had reached in and torn the heart right out of my chest. Before it happened, I used to read descriptions like that and think the person writing them was exaggerating, engaging in hyperbole. No. That is what it feels like.
First, take a deep breath. Reflect on this for a second: In brotherly love, your Lord, while you were still His enemy, gave His life as a sacrifice for you. Because of Him, there is nothing that can now or ever separate you from the power, protection, and fatherly love of Your Father in Heaven (Rom. 8:38-39). God has your back.
Now, let me explain things to you like they are. When it happened to me, there was almost nothing out there to give me Christian guidance on what to do about it. Almost nothing. And what was there, was, I discovered in retrospect, based on a false understanding of psychology and, even worse, a false understanding of Biblical marriage and sexuality.
Almost all the stuff I found was about a guy cheating, not the woman cheating. This is despite the fact that female marital infidelity is a growing trend within the Christian community, one that the church refuses to deal with and likes to paper over. In our society, women are almost as likely to cheat on their spouses as men, but there’s next to nothing out there to help a Christian man deal with that.
Which is why I wrote this. It’s a little something to guide you through the process. It may not be perfect, but it’s a heck of a lot more than you’ll get from Focus on the Family or other “Christian” institutions, many of whom have given themselves over to latent Christian feminism or faulty unbiblical views of marriage. So calm down and pay attention. Again, God has your back. Trust me. He had mine, even though it took me a long time to realize that.
A thousand may fall at your side
And ten thousand at your right hand,
But it shall not approach you.
The Devil is trying to get at you, to weaken your resolve to abide in quiet faith to your Lord and King. But he isn’t trying to get at your marriage. He already got at your marriage when he got at your wife. There’s nothing you can do about that now. You are his next target. It might be possible for your marriage to continue, but realize the Devil already got it, and you’re now starting over. But in this, remember the words of the famous hymn written by Martin Luther:
And though this world, with devils filled,
Should threaten to undo us,
We will not fear, for God hath willed
His truth to triumph through us.
The Prince of Darkness grim,
We tremble not for him;
His rage we can endure,
For lo, his doom is sure;
One little word shall fell him.
God’s got your back.
But now you have some homework: Bible reading. I suggest a regular daily dose of the three P’s: Psalms, Proverbs, and Paul.
Psalms because David often writes of being under attack, and of God’s salvation and protection against that attack. You are under attack, so you need the encouragement and strength of the Psalms as you struggle against the “principalties and powers” of the Devil.
Proverbs because there Solomon talks of the importance of wisdom. You will need wisdom in your life more now than you ever have before. Solomon also talks a great deal about how to avoid the wiles of a sexually immoral woman. Your wife, as hard as it is to admit, is such a woman, and her wiles can be powerful, tearing you and your family down to please her sinful passions. “For a prostitute’s fee is only a loaf of bread, but an adulteress goes after a precious life” (Prov. 6:26). You need wisdom.
Paul because he was, as theologian F.F. Bruce called him, the “apostle of the heart set free.” Paul is the apostle of joy, redemption, and hope. And you need these three. Ephesians and Colossians are good choices, since they focus on God’s eternal love for us and Christ’s pre-eminence, power, love, and glory. Finally, I especially suggest regular reading and re-reading of Romans 8.
The three P’s are vital to success. This was one area I personally lacked, and I wished I had been mindful of my P’s in order to help the healing process.
Now that you are hopefully in the right spiritual mindset, the next post in this series will focus on helping you get in the right emotional mindset.